All In One Voice... Reflections on Colossians 4
The movie Stand By Me, released in 1986, is a story of the friendship of 4 12 year old boys (Gordie, Chris, Vern and Teddy) who go on an adventure to find a dead body. The power of the story is their friendship. The way they fight and make up, look out for and understand each other and embody love in the way it shows up in friendship.
The narrator of the movie who is the adult voice of Gordie, says this at the end: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve… does anyone?”
I recently had a visit from a friend who I met when I was 12. Our lives have wound around the world and we are both now on the other side of raising kids and well into our careers — but there IS something particularly intimate and powerful about the folks we’ve known since we were young.
Not everyone had great friends at 12, but I think many of us have had periods in our lives that we reflect on where our friendships were very present and sustaining.
Friendship is one of the most powerful and overlooked forces in our lives, in our world and even in the Bible.
This is our final look at Colossians this summer in the last chapter, Colossians 4. It ends as many of Paul’s letters do: final words, personal greetings Paul is speaking as a friend to the Colossians
He first speaks about prayer. And in addition to encouraging them to pray for themselves, asks them to pray for he and his co-workers as well.. that doors would open for their message and that he would have what he needed to live into his calling.
He then speaks to them about being outward-facing. It’s the tendency of any group to close in and become insular. He encourages them to keep their eyes out for those who are on the outside and to speak graciously and with insight. This is a reminder that what the transformation they are experiencing is not just for them.
And today we read just a bit of his personal greetings in verses 7-9. During this time, the various churches were visited by traveling friends who facilitated communication between the early church communities. You can sense the trust Paul has in these folks and hear the undercurrents of a friendship that is pulling the early church along..
Friendship is a force in the story of Scripture. Adam and Eve created to be partners from the beginning. Abraham and Sarah sharing a friendship with God that sustained through displacement and long years of travel, big moral failures of and childlessness. Moses feeling all alone and incapable of leading Israel out of Egypt finds companionship and help in his brother Aaron and his sister Miriam. King David is called a friend of God — God loved him but also called him on the carpet when he was wrong and knew David’s limits. And Jesus — he did not travel alone. He had a group of disciples — men and women — who traveled together, stayed in each other’s homes and watched out for each other. They knew each other well — they fought and forgave each other, experienced betrayal, and stood together through the death of their teacher and the birth of a movement that was beyond anything they could have imagined. This became what we see in this text here. The church in Colossians and Paul are part of a much larger network of friends who ate in each other’s homes, traveled together, trusted each other to build a new understanding of how God works in the world.
Looking at the arc of the Bible through friendship reveals what a powerful theme and force it is.
On Thursday, David Brooks’ column in the New York Times was entitled: “Why Your Social Life Is Not What It Should Be.” He shared the research of Nicolas Epley at the University of Chicago who has found that “many of us wear ridiculously negative antisocial filters.” People significantly underestimate how much they will enjoy talking to strangers. Epley began asking his subjects to talk to strangers, to compliment a family member or friend, to give strangers a gift. They found that kindness has an enormous positive impact on its recipients They found that talking on the phone built wellbeing and mutual understanding much more effectively than texting. They found that even introverts enjoyed a train ride more if they spoke with a stranger. They found that people enjoyed longer, deeper conversations much more than they had predicted.
Brooks writes: “We’re an extremely social species, but many of us suffer from what Epley called undersociality. We see the world in anxiety-drenched ways that cause us to avoid social situations that would be fun, educational and rewarding.”
Bottom line: Others are affected by our level of warmth and care. Connecting with people in authentic ways fills our life with joy and meaning. And in a society that has been diagnosed by many as having an epidemic of loneliness, this is very significant information.
Brooks’ conclusion:
“My general view is that the fate of America will be importantly determined by how we treat each other in the smallest acts of daily life. That means being a genius at the close at hand: greeting a stranger, detecting the anxiety in somebody’s voice and asking what’s wrong, knowing how to talk across difference. More lives are diminished by the slow and frigid death of social closedness than by the short and glowing risk of social openness.”
Friendship is the way forward into a better future.
I deeply believe this is true.
I serve on the board of African Road that uses friendship as our entire model of development.
As our church has discerned a response to racial tension and divides, we are most excited about our partnership with St. Mark AME Zion in East Palo Alto because we are beginning by becoming friends and seeing what is possible out of our friendship.
I believe the future of our church is absolutely dependent on our capacity for hospitality, generosity, and friendship
So, here are a few things we learn from Paul about friendship:
PRAY. Prayer is a habit of the heart and mind. It’s how we keep folks close in heart. Ask others how you can pray for them and then check back to see how they are
VULNERABILITY and HONESTY - One of the reasons it’s so hard to have adult friendships? Because we’ve developed a lot of shame and sense of unworthiness since we were 12 years old, like the boys in Stand By Me. When we learn to speak openly with others, we discover we’re not alone. In safe spaces, we begin to be loved just as we are.
CREATE HORSESHOES> I love the image of community as a circle, but I recently heard someone wonder if the image for community could be a horseshoe, not a circle. We leave an empty chair at the table, a door open, a path for folks to join our circle of friendship. When Paul is inviting the Colossians to keep an eye out for the outsider, he is inviting them to a horseshoe shaped community Strong, confident friendship is not threatened by the stranger. It opens its arms wider to take someone new in.
May be led forward and met by God in the journey of friendship.
amen
(Preached at Valley Presbyterian Church, August 28, 2022)