39/50: The Vulnerability of Curiosity
There will probably be another Brandi Carlile song before we’re all done with this but here’s a favorite and a video fo her doing her magic live. I’ve seen her live at least 10 times in the last 10 years.
“have you ever stared into a starry sky?
lyin on your back you’re askin’ why?
what’s the purpose, I wonder who am I
if you’ve ever stared into a starry sky”
I’ve always wanted to be someone who was in the know but we all know different things. My husband grew up as a missionary kid in Southeast Asia. He knows amazing things about the language, culture, flora and fauna of those places. But ask him about a TV show in the 1970’s and you get a blank look. He was out of the country with no cable TV and certainly no Netflix. This doesn’t bother him so much now, but it was rough when he moved back to the U.S. as a middle schooler.
Similarly, I am grateful that I grew up sheltered from a lot of pop culture and the toxicity that can come along with it (something that was more possible in the 1970’s and 1980’s). I grew up just 20 miles from Berkeley, but I had no connection to the revolution happening there. That sheltered environment always left me insecure about what I don’t know. There is so much music I didn’t listen to, movies I didn’t know existed, and books that were never listed in the curriculum of the schools I attended. For years, I hoped people wouldn’t figure out how naïve I am and learned to compensate by pretending to know what people were talking about. Thank goodness for Google so I can now look up anything and get oriented.
However, in the last few years, I have begun the practice of, “I don’t know.” Every time I say it, it is an act of vulnerability, and every time I am so grateful that I opened up to learn something or to consider a fresh perspective. My relationships deepen, my leadership sharpens, and my soul swells when I ask a question and admit what I don’t know. I’ve realized that no one grows up or lives in exactly the same world and each of us brings fresh knowledge and insight to conversations. Getting over what I “should” know and being curious about what others know is a lifelong practice for me.
Questions and curiosity are practices of believing in a God who is a mystery and welcomes our questions. All of the mystics I have known have mastered these practices. And in this second half of life, I hope to follow them.