40/50: Enfleshed
Love these women and just about every thing they put out.
“Who can say who made the choice
In the matter of your birth
Who brought about that fateful day
Well you are here and born with fire and desire
You’re the only one can stand in your own way
And every broken arrow
Every hardened smile
Every foolish gamble and
Every lonely mile
Will bring you to your knees and
Closer to the reason
And there’s no making cases
For getting out or trading places
And there’s no turning back
No you are here”
In the early days of the church, following the footsteps of Jesus, women were included in a way rarely seen. In a patriarchal society, women exercised their voices, used their gifts, and served the world.
But eventually, freedom was replaced by institutional control. Early church councils had a raging debate about whether or not women had souls. If they had souls, could they be saved? And so has gone the theological run-around regarding the worth of women. And much of the debate has centered around women’s bodies.
The Apostle Paul’s writings about rejecting the flesh were interpreted in a dualistic way that made bodies the enemy. However, I think he’s talking about our ego or our false self, not our physical bodies. For example, in Romans, Paul said, “For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it.” We have heard that translated as if nothing good dwells in our BODY, but it is not our bodies that trip us up. It is our shame, our fear, our anger. Bodies are not the enemy.
Christianity has mirrored and exaggerated the cultural stereotypes about women’s bodies – that they cause the downfall of men and that it requires male plumbing to be able to speak or lead. Women’s bodies and voices have not been valued and honored as holders of wisdom. Authority figures taught us to fear our bodies.
Most of my life, I felt betrayed by my body. I struggle with hormonal issues that caused me to gain weight in my early teen years and I spent all of those years trying to cover up and camouflage my body. I did not go to summer camp with my youth group because I was too afraid to get into a swim suit or to engage in athletic games that would reveal how out of shape and awkward I felt. I was caught in a vicious cycle of shame that kept my mind and body and soul separated.
Only in my forties have I begun to appreciate and be present in my body. I completed a few half marathons and one full marathon. I am an avid practitioner of Pilates. I no longer feel fat most days. I’m more athletic at 50 than I was at 15. In this body I stand and preach what the Spirit gives me to say. It’s been a lot of hard work — physically and emotionally.
I will never grow longer limbs or change my shape or have a great metabolism. But I have begun to accept that the body I have been given is my earthly home. It is the place from which I love, pray, give and receive. It is what I have. And to reject it, be angry at it, or to cut it off from my consciousness is denying my capacity to love God and the world with all of who I am.