The path to liberation is paved with humility and realism that takes us beyond polarities of glory or humiliation and bring us into a continuum of growth in which our liberation is bound up with the liberation of all.
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Fearless questioning has led to seeing my life story in a different way and finding emotional healing. Fearless questioning has introduced me to experiences of God as the Abyss like Catherine of Siena describes. Fearless questioning has forced me to change habits that harm the earth and be more conscious of how I can use my power for the good of others. Fearless questioning helps me be in hospital rooms and by death beds without having to contain or codify life’s darkest and most mysterious experiences. Fearless questioning means I don’t have to have answers.
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I want a God who knows more than my middle-class American experience can tell me. I want a God who is beyond the light of this present life and whose love continues into eternity, whatever that will look like. Yes, Abyss is a great name for God because there is so much I don’t know and mysteries far beyond my comprehension. A God whose chasm of love does not end is the only God that makes sense to me.
We are at a place in church history where new confessions must be written. They may not end up as official church documents, but many are struggling to find language for the faith they possess but don’t yet have words for. We need ways to talk about our faith that leave room for play and mystery, but are concrete and simple enough to grasp and work with in our everyday lives.
Grace comes to we who are lost in our defenses and loves us just as we are. Grace weaves its way into the darkness of our lives, illuminating hope. Grace gives us the courage to take the next step to wholeness before we could imagine what the whole journey will be. Grace stitches together the broken pieces of our hearts. Grace is a table set before us in the presence of our enemies (external and internal). Grace makes wholeness possible for everyone.
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“You are loved before you are born. You are loved every day of your life. You will be loved in whatever is beyond this. For me, that love is absolutely rooted in what I see of God through Jesus Christ, but I trust that it extends beyond any human hoops or actions or “professions of faith.” It is stronger and bigger than we are and it will catch us every time, from now and forever.”
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God did not need Jesus to die on the cross. We needed the truth-telling moment that is the full arc of Jesus’ life to see who God is: God welcomes sinners and saints! The first will be last and the last will be first! Union with God is possible in human flesh! Love is stronger than death!
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“At church, you don’t get to create your playlist, you can’t “unfriend” anyone, you may hear something that doesn’t confirm your bias, and you expose yourself to an ancient text and traditions that don’t always sound good to modern ears. All of that is beautiful and hard.”
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The Bible has all sorts of configurations about salvation and reconciliation. There is no one biblical answer to just about anything. As a Christian, I see the Bible as the revelation of God through Jesus. Everything gets filtered through what I see in the trajectory of the stories and impact of Jesus’ life.
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The embrace of God in Christ goes on in endless possibility, fueled and made real by the Holy Spirit. In truthful embrace, we are made at-one with God.
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Is God’s justice retributive? A glance at twentieth century history demonstrates that retributive justice is a reflection of the worst of human nature. Seeking a just punishment for wrongs only escalates into anger and alienation. “An eye for an eye will leave everyone blind,” Gandhi reportedly said. Retributive justice is ineffective at achieving genuine reconciliation. Richard Rohr once said in a podcast that if God is not better than the best human we know, it’s not God. Retributive justice is not humans at their best. Is God bound to it?
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How we put words to the mystery of God effects how we see our world, who we are, and the meaning of our lives. Much of what we think of as “gospel truth” was constructed from the spaces of empire, not from the margins. As poet Denise Levertov wrote, “We have only begun to imagine the fullness of life.” The intersection of voices across identities and experiences in this time gives us fresh invitations to deconstruct and reconstruct theology.
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But for whoever needs to hear this: grieve, rage, take a break, draw boundaries. Do all of that. And still, allow for the possibility of a settling after the storm. Keep a tiny door open for the grace of forgiveness.
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I have come to new ways of spiritual experience that I trust. Silence, tears, laughter, trembling lips, time-tested spiritual masters like Thomas Merton and Catherine of Siena, embodied meditation — I’m learning to listen for the “sound of the genuine” as Howard Thurman named it. And slowly, I’m learning to trust it again.
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As I look back on ten years of pastoring, these kinds of stories have been the best part of my job: when the passion and spirit of people in a congregation rise to meet the world’s need. I am so grateful to have pastored two congregations full of devoted, engaged, activated and motivated folks who take their faith out into the world.
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Church has been the source of so much pain, but it has also been a place of healing. I’m now that person in front of church, knowing that every person before me is on their own journey. If I wasn’t at the front, I’d probably be in the back still, worried that if they really knew the questions I have and struggles with church structures that trip me up, I might not be accepted.
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My theological and philosophical intuitions found expression in the papers that I wrote on salvation, suffering, and biblical exegesis. Alongside the intellectual journey, a good therapist who understood the particularities of fundamentalism, helped me unravel how interwoven faith was with my identity.
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In 1994, I moved to Central Europe to work with a Christian mission organization a year after graduation. In language classes, I made my first real honestly non-Christian friends. I had all sorts of ideas about needing to convert them, but they converted me with their reasonable questions of faith and their global perspective on the world. They were concerned about nuclear stockpiles and the environment while I wanted them to say a short prayer to save their souls.
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